Christians are straight up FREAKS
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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