I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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