New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
