I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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