you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize