I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
