paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
