I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
