I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
