I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
God gave him joint rollers for hands
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
