scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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