i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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