I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We left an ass print on the piano.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
