I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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