My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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