omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We smell like vodka and hangover
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