I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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