Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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