we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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