Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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