so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
