eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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