Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
