I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
