i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
