All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
