My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
