Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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