Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
