How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
