I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
