I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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