Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize