Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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