i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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