finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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