So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just invented taco cereal.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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