Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize