New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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