Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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