HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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