is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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