He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
