he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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