cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
