Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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