I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have aggressive nipples.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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