You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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