apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize