she kept yelling 'call me bella'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
