You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
