mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
