i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
