Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is Oprah even human
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize