So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
