Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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