His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
