I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
