I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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