big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
