I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think pants incapable of making pants work
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
