One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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