I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
tell me about the eggs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
