I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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