I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
