haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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