Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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