I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
