I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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