and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
