dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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